


unsay these spoken words

by carsonnieve



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Did I say angst?, F/F, but i love angst, maybe there's another chapter? who knows, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 20:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19027624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carsonnieve/pseuds/carsonnieve
Summary: Because maybe, after all, she could take the pain and continue with her life. But maybe she thought she could, when actually her heart was already broken and the scattered pieces all over her chest were not enough to make her realize that she was alone, and hurt.She had hope...... until she saw the ring on her finger.





	unsay these spoken words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shadowdianne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/gifts).



> A few songs for you to listen to while you read this if you want to:
> 
> "Instead" — Ryan Amador
> 
> "Train wreck" — James Arthur
> 
> "Can I be him?" — James Arthur

_Long story short... It's always about the Queen falling in love with the Savior and the Savior being too late._

Feet moving forward. Legs following their movement. Hands covered in black leather and hidden where no one could see the fists that were slowly forming. Lungs unable to breathe properly. Heart beating oddly. Tensed shoulders. Head high. Fleshy lips showing the sweetest smile. Deep brown eyes falling into the forest, watching how the ugly duck turned to be the most beautiful swan with every step she made. Her movements were gentle, gracious, as if she was dancing her way through the woods. Her hands were playing with the hem of her white shirt and the brunette could tell she was nervous just by taking a good look at her face; she was biting her bottom lip, something she only did when she was about to cry if it weren’t for the smirk that played along her lips. Her hazel eyes were fixed on the ground, she didn’t need to look where she was going, she already knew. And even Regina did.

 

And maybe she shouldn’t have followed where Emma was going. Maybe she should have stayed silent, admiring the view with a blank mind and her feet stuck to the ground. Unable to think. Unable to move. Unable to breathe properly if she kept looking at them. If she kept seeing the woman she loved kissing a man who wasn’t good enough for her. Maybe that’s why she stayed after all; to see if the thought of pushing him away crossed Emma’s mind. But the moment never came. And instead of leaving and forget everything, Regina stayed and remembered every single moment they shared together. Because maybe, after all, she could take the pain and continue with her life. But maybe she thought she could, when actually her heart was already broken and the scattered pieces all over her chest were not enough to make her realize that she was alone, and hurt.

 

She had hope...

               … until she saw the ring on her finger.

 

Emptiness came like an ambush. An ambush that acted like a void, one that took everything and all that was left was the feeling of absence, of silence, of pain. This is what her winter felt like, when the cold and chill invaded part of her brain, part of her memories, and especially part of her heart- _ well,  _ part of the gaps between the broken pieces of it, making it impossible for them to go back together. Regina has spent all her life being broken. Luckily Henry was there for her and the loneliness didn’t hurt as much as the fact of watching Emma slowly disappearing and turning into another person, a woman completely different from the one she used to be.

 

       “Maybe I should stop chasing what I can’t have…  
                                                                                … she chose **him** , after all.”

 

Regina moved her head to the side, her eyes searching for a distraction, something that could keep her mind away from _ Guyliner  _ leaning down to reach Emma’s lips; tender, soft and pink lips. And  _ gosh  _ Regina wanted to taste them, to be her the one to make her happy, to be the reason of her smile… but Emma chose him  **instead.** Someone who didn’t care about how she truly felt, someone that didn’t show her support when she lost her meaning and Regina knew she loved her more than he did. That he wasn’t good enough for her. And maybe she wasn’t either but if there was something she had perfectly clear was the fact that she was too late; AGAIN.

 

And so she took a step back. She never thought they would go this far. So what else could she had done except for standing there, feeling sorry, not forgiving herself for having the chance to talk and letting it go to waste, founding herself searching for something to say… but her words failed. When she needed them the most they got stuck in her throat as if they were her own hands, choking her.

 

But her lungs were working and she knew it because her chest kept rising and falling, following their movement. One of her hands went towards where her heart was, the pain increasing along with the pressure and agony going up to her throat until they became sobs.

 

                      A sob that started it all.

 

Because seconds later her other hand was covering her mouth, preventing the sobbing to be heard. Tears followed soon after, and now Regina’s eyes were all red and puffy, still open, watching the scene taking place in front of her. Thinking that Emma looked happier than before with him. Too blind and too stubborn to look past the façade.

 

Regina wanted to get over Emma. To stop feeling like she was at their funeral, even if they’ve come a long way together she didn’t know how much longer she would survive this. 

 

Watching the woman you love with somebody else hurt enough. 

 

Especially when you can’t stop thinking that it was karma acting against the actions you left behind, in the past, but that still define who you once were.

 

That’s how Regina felt in that exact moment.

 

      But this time…   
                             … she finally turned around and began walking.

**  
** **Where?**

 

No one knew.

 

But Regina needed to get out. Not only from the forest, but from the town. Find herself and then,  _ maybe,  _ come back. After all, Henry was in good hands with someone she trusted with her life.

 

Her feet moved quickly, not caring about the sounds they left behind with every step she made. Not wondering if Emma heard her leave and ran after her. And as she strolled down the path the tears kept falling, every single one of them holding a different emotion.

 

Love. The most powerful magic of all they said, if only the feeling was mutual because for her it didn’t feel powerful, it felt useless, it felt… unreal. Regina once learned that weakness was equal to love because it made you weak, it made you suffer until all that was left was… _nothing._ The feeling was heavy, suffocating as she noticed her walls breaking, leaving no room for emotions, but leaving everything open for the darkness to come and take place of what once was hers. She had no marks though she was able to feel the bites, eating her alive, leaving her empty inside. Leaving her with _nothing._ If that's what love felt like, she couldn’t wait until there was nothing left, until every bitter painful fractal was gone in the tears she shed. As much as she loved Emma, as much as she loved the light, she couldn’t help but being hurt. She always thought she would come back to tell her she was wrong about him. But that day didn’t come. 

 

But… the pain... Did it mean she was alive? That she really had feelings for someone else ever since Daniel died?

 

If the  warmth in her chest was any sign of the light going through her then maybe, after all, feelings weren’t all that bad. The soft and delicate touches when people were still around weren’t that bad after all. The gentle hand holdings whenever danger was present, a reminder that everything was going to be okay as long as they worked together. Lingering glances between them when they thought nobody else was watching. Long goodbyes with unexpected tears streaming down their faces. Henry.  _ Their  _ son.

 

The memories invading her mind made her steps stop in the middle of nowhere.    


                         Eyes closed. Tears still falling. Heavy breathing. Hands on her head.

 

_ She’s not dying.       _

_ I know that look. I know her, I believe her. _

_ I invited her. _ _   
_

_ You may not be strong enough, but maybe we are. _ _   
_

_ My superpower may not be perfect but with you Regina, I always know when you’re lying. _ _   
_

_ You can have happiness. I know it doesn’t seem like it but you just have to fight.  _ __   
_                                                                                                                        And if you don’t, I will. _ __   


_ And somehow that makes us unique or maybe even special. _ _   
_

_ You don’t remember this but I promised you once I’d help you find your happy ending. _ _   
_

_ You’ve worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed. _

  
       Realization hit her and she opened her eyes, letting the last tear fall down. But it had a different meaning, one that didn’t involve pain: it was  hope. Hope kept her alive and helped her fight every single day, making her stronger, making her a believer that maybe they could break every curse unimaginable… because maybe, Emma loved her back. 

 

“Love is sacrifice,” Regina whispered to herself and remembered all the times they fought for each other’s safety, especially Emma. She remembered when the blonde sacrificed herself to the darkness. Sacrificed herself for Regina. She remembered how quick her chest began to ache, how it hurt to know the love of your life sacrificed herself for your wellbeing and how good it felt now to know that maybe the reason she did it, was because of her loving you back and wanting what’s best for you. She could be wrong... but she turned around, anyway. Looking at Emma’s direction and realizing she was farther away than she thought. Her heart saying  _ yes  _ but her mind telling her  _ no.  _ And for once, she followed her heart and started to walk. And though she felt unsteady and needed someone to hold her or else she would collapsed, she kept walking back to where the blonde was. Realizing now that her hazel eyes showed pain every time she was with Hook, that the smile she fell in love with disappeared long time ago, that she just gave up. The sensation of fear and adrenaline filling her chest because maybe she was wrong but it was worth the try, because maybe, she wasn’t.

 

“Emma!” Regina screamed when she saw the blonde in the distance, wanting to get her attention. But the words never left her mouth. No sound was made. And Regina was confused, not understanding why.

 

Until she saw nothing but pure darkness… and vanished.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, first of all it's been a few years since I moved out of the fandom and I don't even know why I came back, probably because I have too many finished one-shots about these two love-birds that clearly made an impact in my life since the show came out, and also because "shadowdianne" (go read them, they're amazing, the angst queen tbh) said that I should post every bit I have of 'em if I feel comfortable so... for once I agree with them and I'm bringing you this one-shot, one that hurt too much to write (and maybe continue, but we'll see if it's worth posting).
> 
> I really hope you like it! I've missed writing about these two and angst is the first thing I do, so yeah, good luck not suffering xD 
> 
> Enjoy the reading :)


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